Not leaving
by Little-Firestar84
Summary: She cries in desperation, and can't stop crying, and while he hold Lisbon, Jane doesn't know if he is ready, but he knows that it's what she needs. and maybe, what he needs as well, because he has been blind untill now.Jisbon 3-shots based on petitej art
1. Chapter 1

Oh, yes, the damn disclaimer: seriosuly, do we really have to do it? Because, Jeez, if I'd own them, I'd not be here writing it, I'd be the writeer of a TV Shows and, well, we'd have the LIsbon romance for real...meanwhile, I just **_"write, draw, create, dream, hope and believe in Bruno, waiting for him to be blessed bu the light of reason..." _**(No, this discalimer isn't mine, it belongs to one fo the girls who wite Mentalist fiction on the italian site efpfiction, but don't tell me many of you don't share this vision...).

Based on a picture by the great PetiteJ, nicknamed by her "sleeping Jisbon"- look for her on , there should be a link to her twitter, with there a twitter to her deviantart account, where this amazing picture has been posted. I loved it so much that i simply HAD to ask her to use it for a fanfiction...

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She has always known that Jane is a good man; he may look like an insensible jerk at times, but usually his misbehave is directed towards the ones who ended up being the killers, while with the others he empathizes, especially if the victims happen to be children. And the way he acts when he is around children… it's amazing seeing him holding a baby in his arms, it's just wonderful looking at the way he genuinely smiles when he play with them, when he feeds them. (Every time she looks at him with a baby, especially if newborn, her mind wonders in a dangerous territory, the one she calls the "land of self-inflicted psychological masochism, where she and Jane are just Teresa and Patrick, and the baby he is holding has the greenest eyes and blonde curls- he was an amazing father, she knows that, she just does, and she really hopes one day he'll be again, he deserves it, and she knows there's a part of him that wants it as well, because she can sees he misses it)

And, while talking with his friends from the carnie days, he really looked at easy, he looked happy. She knows he always claimed that his days in the carnie circuit hadn't been exactly the happiest, but it seems that, having them around, was at least something he liked, even enjoyed. (This time, she imagined him joining her while she played with the elephant, embracing her from behind, whispering sweet nothing into her ear while his breath is hot on her neck. or she sees him making her join him while talking with his friends about the past, telling her funny anecdotes about "Patrick the psych boy wonder")

He may claim to be empty and broken and not worth saving, but Teresa Lisbon knows better, (because she has always seen past his façade, besides, alike are "thrown" to each other, and Jane may think he is the only one suffering from loss, and he may be sure it was all his fault, but the whole word experiments loss, she did, she still does, loss and sense of guilt, because she hadn't been able to save her father and she couldn't fight strong enough to keep her family together after what happened) and while she looks at him faking sleep on his couch in the bullpen, once midnight, she doesn't know if she should be happy or cry over this "revelation" (because, as much as she loves to know that he is still human, she knows he can't let it go of his past, maybe he never will, and, never, never, with her).

She comes back sitting at her desk, low lights, the headache she has been having from the morning getting the best of her, forcing her to take one, two painkillers, and, before she can understand it, before she can see it coming, she falls asleep, her head resting on the paperwork….

Maybe coming back to the bullpen hasn't been such a good idea, but he hasn't abandoned the attic for himself. Lisbon needs him back there, with them. He knows he shouldn't think about this sort of things, but, recently, he can't seem able to. Besides, he hates, absolutely hates, hurting her. He has promised to be there for her, to save her, to not hurt her, after all, and even if he is the one hurting, if Lisbon is happy….

It's not even unhappy, he realizes, and it's not even hurt. It's something different, completely different, something he never thought he could do again. He simply, he has a… sort of pain in his chest, a weight, every time he looks at her (sometimes is a good weight, and he feels like he can cry and take her in his arms and kiss her senseless because she is so damn beautiful when she holds a baby in her arms, and he can't help but thinking about her holding a baby girl with the bluest eyes and dark hair, sometimes it's a bad weight, like she almost died for that bomb, or when she faked being high and drunk for the shrink, and all he sees are images of her dead, and of him desperate in front of yet another tombstone) ) and he… he feels, and it's weird but welcome, he has to admit, but it's still strange, it's been so long, after all…

And, apparently, he is not so good at hiding any longer, because everybody keeps repeating him the samest thing- that the two of them, him and Teresa, are an item.

Hightower wants to know if something is going on between the two of them ("because you have never been that protective towards Agent Lisbon" "I don't know what you are talking about, nothing changed"), Minelli, even Minelli, asked THEM if how they were acting towards each other was only because he had saved her life or for something else. (Grace doesn't count, she keeps having romantic dreams of her and Rigsby, even if she will never admit it, and her other romantic dream is of Teresa and Patrick rising a football team of kids together, kids with their genetic patrimony, to be more accurate). His friends back at the carnie finds her "not that bad for being a cop, she is good for you, Patrick, you have chosen well" ("I don't know what you are talking about, Teresa is just a friend" "is that the truth, or simply the truth that you are telling yourself, old friend?"). His brother in law told him to move on, to let it go, before to leave the cemetery he told him that he knew his sister and that she cared enough to want him happy, even if with someone else ("and if it's someone who challenges you and doesn't buy all your crap, it's even better, you've always been too full of yourself. You need someone who has at least to try to put you in your place").

He stops to pretend sleep in the dark bullpen when he hears a shout from her office, a desperate cry, a shouted "NO!" and then sobs after sobs- he doesn't even reflect, he just acts according to his instinct and runs to her, without even bother to turn on some light…

When he enters, better, runs, into her office, he finds her sitting in her chair, shacked by the sobs, desperate as never before- not even when Carmen framed her for murder she has been so desperate, and so… scared. He doesn't know of what, but she is scared, of that much he is sure.

"Sshhhh, Lisbon, it's all right, it's all right…" he kneels in front of herself, his hands on her shoulders, and look directly into the teary eyes. (And it's scary because he has never seen her crying before, not that way. The tears, there are so many tears… she is so beautiful, she shouldn't cry… he swears he'll hurt whoever caused this).

Before he could realize what's going on, she joins him on the soil, her arms around his neck, nuzzling his neck, her face into his chest, soaking his light blue shirt with her tears. "You are here, you are here, Thank God, you are here, you are really here, and you are still here…" she keeps repeating, whispering in his chest.

"Yes, Lisbon, yes', I'm not leaving…" he tries to reassure her. He has been so distant; he realizes that he has alienated himself from his surrogate family after what had happened to Kristina, just like he had done with his real family after the tragedy. He hadn't understood how much he was hurting her, not until now. (Because Lisbon is good, extremely good, she is a challenge, because he can't read her. At all, even if he claims the opposite)

"Don't die, don't die, please don't die… don't abandon me, Patrick, please, please, stay with me… I can't lose you too…" just in that moment he fully understands what has happened, and why she is holding onto him for dear life. Teresa needs the security of knowing he is still there, he is still with them, with her, and he is not leaving, passing away. Whatever the nightmares was about, it has been extremely bad and realistic, he supposes, if she can't push the bad thoughts away as she usually does, if she can't stop crying desperate, his shirt closed into her fists. (He knew she was fragile, but that much, over him, he isn't worth her pain…)

"Sshhhh, it's ok, I'm here, Teresa, I'm here with you, I'm not leaving, I'm not abandoning you, I'll never abandon you…" he takes her in his arms and guides her towards the couch, his couch, and he lies there. She doesn't fight him, it, when Jane brings her down with him, letting her rest at his side, chest to chest, holding her, whispering sweet nothings into her hear, his breath hot on her neck, keeping kissing her hair and her forehead and her nose and every part of her face, sweetly, quickly (he almost fights back the tears when he kisses her on the lips, just a peck to assure her he is there and he isn't leaving, because it has been so long, and he isn't sure if he is ready, or if it's right, and he knows he is greedy, but he knows as well that it's what she needs to remember that he is there, with her, alive, and maybe, just maybe, it's what he needs as well), while she keeps crying, holding onto him for dear life, never letting him go, scared that, otherwise, come morning he'll be gone, like a ghost, like the dead man she had in her arms in her dream.

But come morning, he is still there, and she is now laying on his chest, their limbs are interlaced, and he is the one holding her, embracing her, her hands are still closed in fists around the material of his shirt and vest, and her head is still in the crock of his neck and he is still breathing into her unique combination that's Teresa, his Teresa- cinnamon, vanilla, lemon and Lisbon. They are both smiling in their sleep, though, Lisbon because feeling his heartbeat gives her reassurance that Jane is still there, Jane because, in his sleep, the first decent, honest to God sleep in years, has realized something extremely important- everybody is right, and he has been blind the whole time. He can no longer deny that there's something going on between him and Teresa, he doesn't know what's yet, but he is planning on finding out. Of course, to do so, he'll have to stick around and convince her to take this trip with him, he'll have to find new, _legal ways, _of getting his revenge, and he'll have to restrain him a little…

Such a pain, and a shame, of course, but somehow, he is sure that in the long run it will be worth it, the long, long, run... yeah, he is definitely planning on staying around for a very, very, very long while.


	2. Chapter 2

Oh, yes, the damn disclaimer: seriosuly, do we really have to do it? Because, Jeez, if I'd own them, I'd not be here writing it, I'd be the writeer of a TV Shows and, well, we'd have the LIsbon romance for real...meanwhile, I just **_"write, draw, create, dream, hope and believe in Bruno, waiting for him to be blessed bu the light of reason..." _**(No, this discalimer isn't mine, it belongs to one fo the girls who wite Mentalist fiction on the italian site efpfiction, but don't tell me many of you don't share this vision...).

Based on a picture by the great PetiteJ, nicknamed by her "sleeping Jisbon"- look for her on , there should be a link to her twitter, with there a twitter to her deviantart account, where this amazing picture has been posted. I loved it so much that i simply HAD to ask her to use it for a fanfiction... and then, she suggested to do a second part of it...and, well, I ended up making it a three-shots, so, wait for the final installment sometimes tomorrow!

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_But come morning, he is still there, and she is now laying on his chest, their limbs are interlaced, and he is the one holding her, embracing her, her hands are still closed in fists around the material of his shirt and vest, and her head is still in the crock of his neck and he is still breathing into her unique combination that's Teresa, his Teresa- cinnamon, vanilla, lemon and Lisbon. They are both smiling in their sleep, though, Lisbon because feeling his heartbeat gives her reassurance that Jane is still there, Jane because, in his sleep, the first decent, honest to God sleep in years, has realized something extremely important- everybody is right, and he has been blind the whole time. He can no longer deny that there's something going on between him and Teresa, he doesn't know what's yet, but he is planning on finding out. Of course, to do so, he'll have to stick around and convince her to take this trip with him, he'll have to find new, legal ways, of getting his revenge, and he'll have to restrain him a little…_

_Such a pain, and a shame, of course, but somehow, he is sure that in the long run it will be worth it… all in due time, though. _

As morning comes, Jane is awakened by sunrays filtering from the blinds of the bullpen, but he doesn't want to open his eyes, nor to let it go of Lisbon, because it would mean putting an end to this, and the instant is so perfect that he really doesn't want to, he wants it to last forever, he wants to be frozen in time, he wants for them to be frozen in time, in this perfect instant (he is sure that if he died right now he'd die happy, because he just understood what perfection means).

But wanting, and even needing, something, is different from the actual possibility of having it, and as much as he knows he'll miss her, he can't do that to Lisbon, he can't risk her life this way, not with Red John at large, wanting (to destroy) everything he may wish to have, everything and everyone that could make him happy, not after what the psycho did to Kristina. The poor woman's life is destroyed just because they sort of dated once, and he wasn't even that much into it (he just went out with Frye to prove a point to Hightower, besides, his first date has been two years prior, when he tricked Lisbon into having lunch with him into a cozy and romantic restaurant) _let's face the truth: you start something romantic with Lisbon, odds are she'll end up dead, and you know that if she dies you are as good as dead as well, right? _

Still at closed eyes, with a sad smile printed on his lips, he tightens the grip around her, his nose into her hair, breathing into her scent, hoping that he'll somehow be able to remember it better, to imprint it forever in his memory, because he knows that in few minutes he'll be miserable, and he'll want to hold onto this memory, this feeling, in order the survive the "separation" -not that he is going to leave, though, not in a literally sense, at least, but now… now, they'll have to come back right at the beginning, and if he'll be lucky enough, they'll keep being, at least, Agent Lisbon, strict on the book senior agent, and pain in the ass consultant Jane.

He holds her thither and thither, sobbing and crying for the women he has lost and for the woman he'll probably never have, with the mere result that she wakes up soaked in his tears.

Lifting her eyes, she meets Jane's teary blue gaze, and her breath dies in her throat: she can't move, focused, like in trance or under hypnosis, on his eyes, his seductive lips, the curls on the back of his neck she can skims over with her fingertips- it takes her few instants to elaborate what's going on and gets scared, and after another perfect moment in which they've drank into the vision of each other's eyes, she jerks away, sitting on the opposite side of the couch, trying to avoiding looking at Jane, while the man tries to stop her, not with force, just a mere and subtle touch of her forearm. "Lisbon, I… I…"

"There's nothing to say, Jane, really, it never happened, nothing happened and we don't have to talk about it." she says as she moves again further away, trying to recompose herself.

"Lisbon, right now… for the sake of the both of us… I can't do this…"

"Jane, I don't know what you are talking about, there's no this, I don't what "this" is supposed to be!" she almost screams, focused on her feet, her eyes teary as her voice.

He grabs Lisbon for the chin, forcing her to make eye-contact, never letting it go until he is done with his speech" Teresa, don't lie to me. I'll believe you only when, looking into my eyes, you'll tell me you don't want me too"

"But if you know I want you, and you want me, why does it have to be so difficult? Why can't we just…" she begs him, closing her eyes trying to mask her tears.

"You know that Stiles was right, Lisbon. Red John wants everything that makes me happy. Until he is still out there, I can't allow myself the luxury of feeling again. You saw what he did to Kristina, and if something happened to you, I could never live with the regret, but I know, we both do… that there's a chance that we never…." He stops to say what he was saying, because he knows Lisbon will try to change his mind, so, he goes strictly to the point "Lisbon, I just want your safety and happiness. For this reason, I'm asking you, begging you, to not wait for me."


	3. Chapter 3

Oh, yes, the damn disclaimer: seriosuly, do we really have to do it? Because, Jeez, if I'd own them, I'd not be here writing it, I'd be the writeer of a TV Shows and, well, we'd have the LIsbon romance for real...meanwhile, I just **_"write, draw, create, dream, hope and believe in Bruno, waiting for him to be blessed bu the light of reason..." _**(No, this discalimer isn't mine, it belongs to one fo the girls who wite Mentalist fiction on the italian site efpfiction, but don't tell me many of you don't share this vision...).

Based on a picture by the great PetiteJ, nicknamed by her "sleeping Jisbon"- look for her on , there should be a link to her twitter, with there a twitter to her deviantart account, where this amazing picture has been posted. I loved it so much that i simply HAD to ask her to use it for a fanfiction... and then, she suggested to do a second part of it...and, well, I ended up making it a three-shots... menaing: this is over!

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_"Lisbon, I just want your safety and happiness. For this reason, I'm asking you to not wait for me."_

He knows he has been the one insisting, that he has forced her to make that promise, but there was, still is, a part of him that wanted her to forget about it and wait for him, or maybe… he had decided to wait until Red John was dealt and done with to propose, to tell her he was ready to start anew with her, but now that Red John is done and dealt with it's too late, because now she has someone else, someone else come into the picture and he has every intention of staying.

Mashburn had come back into the team's life, her life, as the suspect of a murder, just to come out innocent. If, when Lisbon accepted to join him for dinner, Jane wasn't worried, he got worried when one date turned into two, a flirt of few weeks into a story of months, an adventure into an engagement, and, before he could realize it, Lisbon was, is walking at Tommy's arm toward the aisle, where Walt is waiting for her, wife-to-be number four, magnificent in her long white dress, the one he has hoped she was going to eventually wear for him, him, who, instead, for some twisted joke of the fate, is at Mash's side, as his best man, smiling happy fro a couple, yes, but his eyes betray his smile, showing the picture of a defeated man, a man who has lost all his hope, his only reason for living, who has give up his only reason for living, serving it on a silver plate to another man who isn't worthy cleaning her shoes, figures marrying His Teresa (and making her happy).

But there's nothing he can do about it, all hope is gone because he has been too much of a coward, because he has allowed Red John to win, to steal his happiness from him again, because Lisbon's too radiant, too happy, to steal that from her- if she'll still be happy in the long run, it's a completely different story. So, he is going to look at her marrying another man, and he'll not do a single thing about it. Because she is happy (for now, and when she'll eventually be happy any longer, he'll be the one at her side conforting and higging her), that's what really matters, doesn't matter if he'll be miserable for the rest of his life… he closes his eyes and his fists, hoping that it will go away, that when he'll open them again, everything will be done and dealt with...

Apparently, yesterday evening Jane forgot to close the blinds, because the light of the early morning sun in disturbing his precious sleep, forcing him to open his eyes. "Ehy" he murmurs, or at least, tries to, since Teresa, already up, maliciously bites into his lower lip while they kiss good morning. They are both in the same position they've been when they have fallen asleep the previous night, just few hours before, actually- her on top of him, limbs entangled, her head in the crock of his neck, his chin on her hair, her hands on his chest, his around her waist – but, somehow, she has managed to put on something, to at least try to look decent.

"Patrick, you are sweating! Do I have to be worried or disgusted?"

He smirks, closed eyes, tightening the grip around her. "Geez woman, I'm not a pervert! I just had a nightmare, sort of…" he doesn't need to look at Lisbon to know she is worried, that she is scared he is revisiting his old nightmares, once again. "No, no, it's not like that, I just… I just dreamt you… you did it, you know? Marrying Mashburn, I mean."

"Patrick Jane, you silly idiot, I'd run off from my wedding with you every day!" she laughs as she gives him a soft punch on his naked chest, giggling like a teen.

"You know, you are right. I mean, Mashburn was a billionaire, but there's no way a woman can resist my charm!" as she sees the hint of malice in his blue eyes, Teresa rolls her own, hitting him playfully in the same spot as before.

"Tell me, Mr. Jane, are you ever tired of being so sure of yourself?"

"Woman, you hurt my feelings! Are you implying that there are occasions in which I could be way over my head and even wrong?" looking at his false hurt statement, Teresa can't help but collapse into laughs, her lips on the same spot she repeatedly has hit, and, soon, she is joined by Patrick's crystal laugh. He laughs with her, cuddles her like that night almost two years before. "I love you so much, Teresa" he suddenly says, serious, looking at the brand new silver band on his left ring finger.

"I love you more" she says, giggling, her arms around his neck and her hands busy playing with his soft, blonde curls "and I'll love you even more if you'll change Alex"

When, minutes later, he is looking at his newborn son, already again asleep, makes a silent promise in his heart, renewing an old vow he made a long time ago. If, years prior, he has promised to be always there for her, to always save her, to never intentionally hurt her, now he premises that he'll always be there for _them, _to always save _them, _ to never intentionally hurt _them….for better or worse, until death does us apart. _


End file.
